If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There is no point being a damn fool about it. W C Fields


Ive had enough.

I have worked at the charity call center for over a month now, and I have been soul destroyed, run to the ground, demotivated and emotionally drained. Never before have I worked in such a harsh, joy barren environment before and I have worked in many dead end and depressing jobs in my short time on this earth.

They pull the thin, moth eaten veil of 'Charity' over a heartless, sales driven role so that you are conned into believing that you are 'saving the world' (a term bandied around by the 'motivational' staff inbetween them swearing and screeching about how much more money they earn than you) I didnt beleive I was saving the world, I merely hoped I would be able to keep the wolf from the door and pay my rent. I'm definitely paying for something, but it feels like I'm paying off all my wrong doings for this life and the last.

I am selling nothing. I'm not selling insulation, or solar panels. Something useful that people might want or need. I'm selling a warm feeling of 'goodwill' a chance for someone to feel like they are making a difference. They may as well keep their money in their pockets because its a cold, dark world of charity corporations which are as bad as businesses that sell sex to children. (Justin Beiber corporation) Somebody gets fat on the donations, but its not the starving children in Ethiopia.

I am disillusioned. After being verbally abused by the poor members of society that are constantly bombarded by cold calls in the privacy of their own home, and robotically droning the same generic script for more than a month, I am tired. I am tired of struggling to keep a job I dont even want, but need. I am tired of being so very disposable in a hive of feverish mindless activity. If I dropped out there would be ten more drones to take my place.

And I am frustrated at having so little say in my own future. On Tuesdays we have 'going home targets' a small compensation where we work towards an unbelievably unrealistic call target, and then we are released early. We worked our butts off today. And suddenly the target became achievable and I felt a push and a drive that gave purpose and meaning to my day. Excited, I realized we actually, amazingly, might be able to go home early (although 8pm isn't that early by anyone's standards). We were almost at our target when the team leaders realized we might slip under the net. They moved our campaign and gave us a new target that was once again completely unrealistic. I was actually shattered, crushed! Such a small thing like going home early had become everything to me that day - something I had fought towards and strived for had been snatched away from me at the last minute. I almost cried! That was definitely a low point in my life.

But struggling to find alternative work is becoming difficult. I have to keep sending out applications and keep going to work in Hell. Even though I would rather inject my eyeballs with vinegar than go in tomorrow. Arrrgh!